Quotes from Urology Lectures

First, I wonder what urologists tell people they do at parties. It seems like one of those areas of employment where, despite the fact that it took over twenty years of schooling to attain, you might be tempted to...well, not embellish the truth. Not embroider it, certainly...but, perhaps, omit. "I'm a doctor," you'd say, or a surgeon. I'm in men's health, maybe. Because otherwise there will be jokes, almost certainly of questionable quality, and the teller will probably think he's the first one ever to think of something so hilarious, and you'll get thrown out of the party when you finally succumb to temptation and punch him in his damn mouth. That said, some quotes from our urology lectures.

"It's very important to find out what kind of sexual dysfunction a man's experiencing before you just send him home with Viagra. Because if the problem is anorgasmia, and he's been taking 30 minutes to get things done, and you give him a vasodilator-- well, not only will you not solve his problem, but when he's now going 60 or 70 minutes, his wife is going to come looking for you. Probably with a gun."

"The commonest problem in young men is actually not ED--it's...(pause for answers, all of which--interestingly enough--were provided by the women of the class) premature ejaculation, that's right. And you're going to have to ask about it, because I can guarantee you, no one ever comes into the office and says, 'Can you help me, doc? I'm a premature ejaculator.'"

"Men will tell you that they use recreational drugs to treat their ED. Listen, guys: Pot and coke don't make it easier to maintain an erection or anything like that. You just don't remember the erections you aren't having."